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Dogs In A Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town,
which he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed
and very well behaved.
Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate
reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many
years. In all that time, I've never
had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off
the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of
the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome
at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too!"
Author Unknown
The Neighbour's Dog
One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry
when an old,
tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he
had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour
later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept
for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to
my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He
lives in a home with
ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."
Author Unknown
A Dogs Letters to God
Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom,
if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Or is it the same old story?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We
dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model,
but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle
the Chrysler Beagle!
Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a
bad dog?
Dear God,
When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like musk! What's he been rolling
around in?
Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God,
If we
come back as humans, is that good or bad?
Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God,
We dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths.
What do humans understand?
Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have
been howling
at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!
Dear
God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are
not allowed in restaurants because we can't
make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?
Dear
God,
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail
extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?
Dear God,
I've always lived at the shelter
and I have everything I need. But many
of the cats here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would
be good for my self-esteem.
Dear God,
The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a
feeling
my family might blame me because they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can
I convince them I'm innocent? Does Petsmart sell lie detectors?
Author Unknown
How To Photograph A New Puppy...
* Remove film from box and load camera
* Remove film box
from puppy's mouth and throw in trash
* Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle
* Choose
a suitable background for photo
* Mount camera on tripod and focus
* Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth
*
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera
* Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees
* Focus
with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand
* Get tissue and clean nose print from lens
* Take flash cube
from puppy's mouth and throw in trash
* Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose
* Put
magazines back on coffee table
* Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head
* Replace your
glasses and check camera for damage
* Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
*
Call spouse to clean up mess
* Fix a drink
* Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit"
and "stay" the first thing in the morning
Author Unknown
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