Even More Hooch's Dog Humour

Even More Hooch's Dog Humour

MIXED BREEDS - Cross Breeding your dogs.

* Pekingese X Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

* Great Pyrenees X Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

* Pekingese X Dachshund = Peking Dach, owned by Chinese restaurateurs

* Kerry Blue Terrier X Bloodhound = Blueblood, a favourite with the upper crust in Society

* Poodle X Great Pyrenees = Poopyree, a dog that smells good

* Pointer X Setter = Pointsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

* Irish Water Spaniel X English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

* Kerry Blue Terrier X Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for optimists

* Smooth Fox Terrier X Chow Chow = Smooch, a dog who loves to kiss

* Airedale X Spaniel = Airel, a dog that brings in good TV reception

* Labrador Retriever X Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

* Newfoundland X Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

* Terrier X Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that always makes mistakes

* Keeshond X Setter = Keester, you can't get this dog off its duff

* Bloodhound X Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks a lot

* Chihuahua X Whippet = Chiapet, order from TV ads; 3 for £19.95

* Boxer X German Shorthair = Boxer Shorts, a dog never seen in public

* Basenji X Schipperke = Baserke, a dog that's mad about its owner

* Malamute X Pointer = Moot Point, owned by . . . oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

* Collie X Malamute = Commute, a dog that lives on the freeway

* Deerhound X Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.

MIND GAMES DOGS PLAY WITH HUMANS

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee , sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

Creation : A Dogs Version

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

Why It's Great To Be a Dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it, and no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places when you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast; no one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might even think you are cute!

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

9. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's some else's fault.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.